Love Can Be Risky

Jann Martin September 4, 2005

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Romans 13:8-14
Matthew 18:15-20

Gospel Lesson

¹⁵ "If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. ¹⁶ But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won't accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. ¹⁸ I tell you this: Whatever you prohibit on earth is prohibited in heaven, and whatever you allow on earth is allowed in heaven.

¹⁹ "I also tell you this: If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. ²⁰ For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them."

This is the Gospel of the Lord.
Praise to you, O Christ.

This is a tough text to preach on. I don't know about you, but there are times when I just let a hurt go rather than confront someone. I don't like conflict, as I'm sure most of you don't either. But it's not always the best way to handle a difficult situation. Sometimes we do have to confront someone about a concern or a problem. If we don't, it can make a minor problem grow into a big problem. Then, instead of just affecting one or two people, it can affect a whole group of people.

As we look at this message in this mornings Gospel, we see that 1) sin is serious, 2) with sin there are consequences in our social lives, which could hurt the health of our church, and 3) we need to acknowledge, rebuke and forgive the sins we come up against.

Sin is very serious. If not taken care of, it can really harm a relationship. Christ has forgiven each of us our sins when we come before Him and repent of what we have done wrong. It is just as important to take a concern to a brother or sister in Christ, and to be honest, courageous, compassionate and forgiving, just as Christ does with each of us.

If we let a sin against us go, it can affect our relationship, have grave consequences in our social life, and could hurt the health of our church. By not going to the person who has hurt you and trying to solve the issue, you can harbor hurt or bad feelings. You also may start saying things against that person around others thus causing an even greater problem.

In order to live more Christ like, we need to acknowledge, rebuke and forgive the sins we come up against. If we go to Christ in prayer, He will help us to confront those who have hurt us and give us the words we need to help solve the problems. If you have trouble talking to a person, you may try writing a letter to express your hurt or anger. Make sure you read the letter again a day or two later to make sure it really says what you want it to say before you mail it.

In looking at Aristotle's ethics, you can see that he bases his ethics on friendship. He looked at a good person as a good friend. To Aristotle, a good friend knew when to hold back, when to push you a little, and to possibly hurt you if necessary in order to help you see the right way to handle a situation. A professor once gave an assignment to a class after studying about Aristotle and his look at ethics. They were to take an ethical dilemma in which they were involved and write a case study on it. They were to include the details of what happened, and what their response to the situation was. The rest of the class then analyzed the student's response. After these studies were shared with the class, the professor shared that he didn't want to be a friend in many of their situations. Some had talked about not stopping a drunken friend from driving. Others talked about letting a friend get involved in drugs or of someone admitting they had cheated on an exam. The students said they didn't get involved because they didn't feel they should judge someone else, or they didn't want to hurt their friendship. But isn't that what being a true friend is about. You care enough about a person that you will step in when they are hurting you or doing something that could hurt others. We shouldn't stand by and say, "I'll stay out of your life if you stay out of mine." This isn't being a true friend.

I thought of raising our two girls when I read about this classroom situation. What kind of parents would we be if we didn't step in and guide them to what is the right and moral way to act in our world. When the girls were little, it was easy to say who they could hang out with, but as they reached middle school and high school, we couldn't say as much. One of the girls had a friend when she was in middle school that my husband and I thought was very self centered and had a very materialistic attitude. We didn't tell April that she couldn't see the girl, but we frequently pointed out better choices than the materialistic choice of her friend. It didn't take long before she saw what we were talking about and tried to help this girls see that friendship was more important than having things.

Unfortunately, we had a horrible example about drinking and driving that gave Nickie and the youth group at Prince of Peace a strong reason not to drink and drive. On St. Patrick's Day in 2001, a drunk driver killed our pastor's oldest daughter. She and four friends were heading south on the expressway and a man entered the southbound side on an exit ramp and headed northbound. They were going 70 miles an hour around a curve and never saw the lights of the oncoming vehicle. Three of the five kids were killed. We all struggled with the loss of Anna, but one of the main things that came out of our talks with the kids was not to drink and drive. When they started getting old enough to drink, they always had a designated driver.

So as parents and friends, we need to step in and say something when we see a need. It may not always be taken as reaching out in love at first, but as this person may think more about the possible consequences, they will probably understand and appreciate what you are trying to do.

Our society has gotten pretty lonely with people having the attitude of, "I'll stay out of your life if you stay out of mine." People have become more tolerant and accepting of others attitudes and actions and aren't as willing to be involved and caring of those around them. We also have to remember that a difference in our culture, beliefs and lifestyles is ok. This is part of what makes us each unique. If we say we all have to have the same beliefs, culture and lifestyle, we are supporting the attitude of, "I'll stay out of your life if you stay out of mine."

If we are to be a caring community, we need to acknowledge right and wrong, make sure we reach out in love to one another,r and not be afraid to stand up for our rights and the rights of others. By living this way, we are showing a strong faith and living the way Jesus would have us live our lives.

Being a parent isn't always an easy job, as I'm sure you'll agree. Now that our girls are grown, they have each come to us and thanked us for being strict in their upbringing. They had curfews and had to take care of their own bills where their cars were concerned. At first, they both complained about having to take care of their bills and not having enough money to have fun. They later realized the lesson's they learned would help them to be good stewards of their time and money as they became adults.

Unfortunately, when we confront someone, we may find that they are not as good a friend as we thought they were, and our friendship may fall apart. But on the other hand, we may find that we have a better friend than we thought we had, and a deeper friendship may develop. And as in the last verse of today's lesson, "For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them." We find that when we work together at our relationship in Christ's name, He will be there with us. When we meet in the name of Jesus and are honest in a relationship, we take a risk and can seek and receive forgiveness.

The following are from some research I was doing in preparing for this sermon. "'Why don't you just live and let live?' he said after she confronted him with his behavior. 'It's my life, why should what I do bother you?'

"'I'll tell you why I can't just live and let live,' she replied, "because I love you. I want the best for you. Your life is not really your life. In Christ, your life is also my life, my responsibility. I'm trying to treat you as a brother. Rather than live and let live, I want to love and let love.'"

If we really want to reach out in love, we do have to take a risk. Christ took the biggest risk of all when He allowed himself to be hung on the cross to take away our sins. We didn't seek Him out; He reached out in love to us and asks us to reach out in love to those around us. We need to rely on our faith to help us take that risk.

The other quote is, "Too often, in matters of morality, our society seems to have replaced the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you - with a new rule. Don't do anything to or for others, and with luck, they will never do anything to or for you. We can all stay strangers, locked behind our walls of zealously guarded individualism.

"We've got our 'freedom,' our 'individual autonomy.' Unfortunately, along with this arrangement, we also got a great deal of loneliness."

How do you want to live your life? Do you want to live in a world of strangers who don't know anyone and don't reach out to one another? Or do you want to reach out to those around you in Christian love and care.

Amen.

©Jann Martin 2005