BUMPERSTICKER SERMON XX

Dr. Richard J. Henderson June 29, 2003

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Psalm 24
I Corinthians 1: 26-31

Believe it or not this is the twentieth bumper sticker sermon in a row! When I started this in 1983 I had no idea it would go on this long. I didn't really think there would continue to be new bumper stickers for that long!

For those of you who are new, each year for the past twenty years I have done one sermon in the summer that is based on bumper stickers I have seen or that people have passed on to me. It is certainly a lighter sermon than usual, but we find that even on our back bumpers there is the opportunity to say something profound. Of course, you'll need to look carefully to find those profound bumper stickers!

This year's crop is a huge one - more than ninety - so we should probably get right to it. Since bumper stickers are on the backs of cars, it makes sense that lots of them have to do with driving, cars, and roads. This bumper sticker was seen on the back of an older car that apparently had been through some difficult times, "Driver carries no cash. He's married."

Another shared the characteristic of a lot of bumper stickers - that they don't necessarily make sense. It said, "If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now." Perhaps someone had been searching for a long time before he put this bumper sticker on his car, "Where the heck is Easy Street?" This one carried a warning, I wasn't sure if it was about him or he was warning us about others, "Road rage next 10 miles."

I'm pretty sure it was a woman who had this bumper sticker (and it really should be sung), "How many roads must a man travel down, before he admits he is lost?" This one is my favorite of the whole batch this year, "If you can read this, I've lost my trailer!!"

Another category of bumper stickers is those that offer us personal advice - some of it is good; some of it strange! One bumper sticker offered this advice from the Bible, "Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case." Another on a similar theme, "The mighty oak was once a little nut that held its ground."

From the "Don't worry, be happy" category comes this wise bit of advice, "Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due." And speaking of things to worry about comes this one, "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

Here's helpful advice in interpersonal relations, "To belittle is to be little." Here's one that goes along with that, "Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you." Another reminds us that, "Midwives help people out." This is one I could have written myself, "You can't be late until you show up." Then there is this smug little bumper sticker, "Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time." Here's hope for us as we age, "If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!"

This year there were a lot of bumper stickers relating feminist concerns, about the strength of women and, well, about men. For instance, "A woman is like a tea bag, you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water." And, "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition." And this one, "Behind every successful woman is HERSELF." And then there's, "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." OUCH!! Here's an interesting reminder, "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels."

Some other bumper stickers reflect another side of women, "Coffee, chocolate, men... some things are just better rich." And a similar one, "So many men, so few who can afford me." And, "Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen."

Lots of bumper stickers offer helpful advice about relationships, especially marriage. For example, "A successful marriage isn't made by finding the right person, it's being the right person!" Then a couple of less serious bumper stickers, "With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress." And this one, "Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death." After you've been married a while you'll probably see this bumper sticker, "If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen." Hopefully it never comes to this, "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" Then there is always the bumper sticker that's way out there, "Oh my God, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry!"

I guess that's a good segue to the batch of strange psychological bumper stickers. Like, "Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it." Or, "Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult." This bumper sticker defined stress for us, "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep."

This bumper sticker is for people who aren't sure who they are, "Allow me to introduce my selves." The next bumper sticker seems to answer that one by saying, "Is it time for your medication or mine?" This one goes back to the things we blame on our parents, "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips." And, a very psychological one, "Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"

Some bumper stickers are just plain scary. One said, "Don't start with me. You will not win." And another said, "I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people." We saw this one in a gravel parking lot in Ohio, "I'm out of estrogen, and I have a gun." We left in a hurry!

When you pay attention to what bumper stickers say you enter a strange world. This bumper sticker simply said, "I throw peanuts at old ladies." What does that mean? Another asked, "If we quit voting will they go away?" The person with this bumper sticker was also discouraged, I guess, "Earth is full. Go home." And this person was at least more honest about what he was looking for, "Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy." Just when you're ready to give up along comes a sensible bumper sticker, "You have to wonder about humans who think God is dead and Elvis is Alive!"

This year I saw a whole group of bumper stickers based on puns (a.k.a. the lowest form of humor). Here they are: "Time flies like a arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." "A backward poet writes inverse." "In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes." "A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion." "If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed." "Got kleptomania? Take something for it." "Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!" "A hangover is the wrath of grapes." "Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red." "When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I." "A good pun is it's own reword." "Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor." "When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds." "The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered." "A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart."

More. "You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it." "Every calendar's days are numbered." "A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat." "The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large." "Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." "Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses." "Acupuncture is a jab well done." "Dijon vu - the same mustard as before." Phew! There they are!

Fortunately there are always some bumper stickers that communicate a helpful Christian message. Because they are bumper stickers they are short but they make us stop and think about our faith. The first one is simple enough, but a good reminder, "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."

I saw a car with this bumper sticker and I had to think about it for a second, "Under same management for 2000 years." This bumper sticker could also be a slogan for a church, "Soul food served here." As the pastor of a church I felt a special fondness for this bumper sticker, "Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!"

This bumper sticker reminded us of one of the values of good living, "A clean conscience makes a soft pillow." And there was another one on the sleeping theme, "Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings." I thought this one was funny, "Televangelists: The pro wrestlers of religion."

This one helps us remember to be humble, "Unless you can create the whole universe in five days, perhaps giving advice to God isn't such a good idea!" Here's a humble bumper sticker to go with that one, "It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees." And this one is related to both of those, "God answers kneemail." This one I find to be particularly true, "Some folks wear their halos much too tight." Here's a bumper sticker that reminds us God didn't give us the ten suggestions, "What part of 'Thou Shall Not' don't you understand?"

I saw this on a T-shirt rather than a bumper sticker, and it communicates an important message for Christians about what we say and what we do, "Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary." This one goes along with it well, in talking about spreading the Good News, "Christians: keep the faith, but not from others." At the same time we are reminded in this bumper sticker, "We don't change the message; the message change us."

If you have prayed and had your prayers answered, you might appreciate this bumper sticker, "Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous." And speaking of prayer, this bumper sticker gives us basic advice about praying, "Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty."

Three bumper stickers I think are especially healthy messages for us. First, "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called." If, like Moses, we try to argue with God that we aren't the right person, or we don't have the correct skills, this is a good word for us. We don't need to be qualified to serve God, we only need to be willing to use what God gives us.

The second tells us, "The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us." We are so used to depending on ourselves for everything, believing in the myth of the "self-made person," that we often overlook the ultimate power that stands behind us. When we take on the most difficult task, and do it with humility and prayer for God's will, we can do far more than we ever believed possible. When the task ahead seems overwhelming, that is the perfect time to get on our knees and ask for God's strength and God's will. If we believe we are doing God's will and sense God is beside us, even the most formidable job is less threatening.

The final bumper sticker speaks for itself, and puts our lives and our concerns in perspective, "Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up."

Amen.

©Richard J. Henderson 2003