BUMPERSTICKER SERMON XXIII

Dr. Richard J. Henderson June 25, 2006

click for printable version

Psalm 107:1-9
Isaiah 2:1-4

I

This is the 23rd annual bumper sticker sermon! For those of you who have started attending here in the last year, or who haven't been here for a bumper sticker sermon, it is the Sunday in the year when we aren't quite so serious about the sermon and we listen to what the world around us is saying. This is the lightest, and surely the funniest, sermon of the year. Also, it seems to be the most popular sermon of the year. I wonder what that means!

It's amazing to me that every year there continue to be interesting, funny, and even thoughtful bumper stickers. You would think after all these years people would run out of things to say from the back of their bumper. Fortunately, they haven't. So here we go...

II

Many bumper stickers, maybe most, offer advice. Like: "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!" A similar one on a different car: "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Then there's the reminder: "Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic."

Some advice with a moral twist: "Opportunity only knocks once; temptation leans on the door bell." And this one: "Nothing damages truth like stretching it." One of my favorites: "There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year!"

I loved this piece of advice: "Don't believe everything you think." And here is a very thoughtful one, "No pressure, no diamonds."

And there's this one: "Before giving anyone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare."

This year there are a whole group of bumper stickers offering advice of what not to do: "Don't use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice." " Don't attempt to drown your sorrows, sorrow know how to swim." "Never test the depth of the water with both feet." And this one, if you can believe it: "Never believe generalizations!"

Here is what may have been a bumper sticker as old as chariot times: "Remember, pillage, then burn." A couple of different ones: "If all else fails, stop using all else. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!"

Here are some bumper stickers offering personal advice: "The best way to save face is to keep the lower part of it shut! Never go to bed angry - stay up and plot your revenge!" That's not very nice; a better bumper sticker is: "To have the last word, try an apology!" And maybe the best advice of all: "Be the kind of friend you'd like to have."

III

Many bumper stickers tell us about the people in the car and their lifestyle, like the bumper sticker on the back of a woman's car: "I don't make mistakes, I date them." Or I liked: "I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left." That could be the same person with this bumper sticker: "Meandering to a different drummer." Or there was the person who claimed to be "A PBS mind in an MTV world."

One person told us: "I'm like a super hero, without powers or motivation." Maybe you know the person who had this bumper sticker: "Saw it...wanted it...had a fit...got it!"

One bumper sticker said, "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me." Maybe you've seen this one before: "If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments."

I wasn't sure about some of these bumper stickers like: "Sometimes I wish life had subtitles," or this one I saw on the back of a Mercedes: "Crime doesn't pay - neither does farming." Huh? I wasn't sure which he was involved with, or if he had tried them both, and then moved on to something that did pay.

IV

In a similar vein, lots of bumper stickers tell us about the person - their mind or body: "Life doesn't begin at 40, it just begins to show!" Or, "I'm not tense, I'm just terribly, terribly alert!" Or, "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." Or, "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"

This year we had a couple of computer bumper stickers: "We are Microsoft; resistance is futile; you will be assimilated." And another that said: "Failure is not an option; it comes bundled with the software."

V

Several bumper stickers this year offered definitions for us. Like: "Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them." "Conscience: what hurts when everything else feels so good." "An optimist is one who thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that it's true!"

There were some really funny animal, especially cat, bumper stickers. Like: "It's my cat's world; I'm just here to open cans." Or, "Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture," or my favorite, "Dogs have owners; cats have staff!" (You can tell who the cat's staff are here!). Moving to other creatures, there was this strange bumper sticker: "I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it."

VI

As our country becomes more polarized, more political bumper stickers show up. Debate heated up over the phrase, "One nation under God." In light of recent disclosures, one person suggested: "One nation under surveillance." Another bumper sticker said: "The Constitution is a shield not a sword." Here's a cynical take on the whole situation: "People lie the most when fishing, during war, and before an election." Then came a gentle reminder: "Peace is patriotic." I saw this one is California: "We can bomb the world to pieces, but we can't bomb it into peace."

VII

Every year there are bumper stickers that relate to God and religion. Thank goodness! Everyone has seen the bumper sticker saying "God bless America." There were a number of responses to that statement this year. One offered the healthy reminder: "America bless God;" and another said, "God bless the whole world - no exceptions!"

We've been talking the past couple of weeks in worship about our need to work with God in helping to fulfill God's will. This bumper sticker reinforced what we have been saying: "To make your prayers come true, you have to get off your knees." It is important to pray - pray first - before we run off deciding what God wants. But when we have prayed for God's will, then we have to get up and get involved. The book of James says, "If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill,' and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that?" In the same way if you pray for someone's good, but you don't do anything about it, what is the good of that?

Along that same line, I was encouraged when I saw a young couple with this bumper sticker on the back of their car: "Peace begins when the hungry are fed." Surely there is a connection between suffering and violence.

I liked the bumper sticker (that is actually a quote from Andre Gide): "Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it."

Finally, as we are gathered together here, a bumper sticker that my brother gave to me: "The church is a gift from God - assembly required."

Until next year...

Amen.

©Richard J. Henderson 2006