BUMPER STICKER SERMON XXIV

Dr. Richard J. Henderson June 24, 2007

click for printable version

Isaiah 2:1-4
I Corinthians 1:26-31

Introduction

I can hardly believe it, but this is the twenty-fourth consecutive Bumper sticker sermon. I thought since it is our thirtieth anniversary it might be good to do "the best of the bumper sticker sermons." As I sat down to do this I realized that is the two best bumper stickers from each year!

We started out doing this in the summer as a lighter way to look at what is going on in our culture and how it relates to our faith. It also gives us a chance to look at some of the religious bumper stickers and what they say to us.

There are always funny bumper stickers, obscure bumper stickers, off-the-wall bumper stickers, and, fortunately, some pretty profound bumper stickers. So let's get started.

I

Since bumper stickers are found on cars, so that's a good place to begin. One car had the bumper stickers that said, "Test dirt - do not remove." An old beat-up car had, "Thank you for not laughing at my car." I saw one just last month that said, "Honk if you see parts fall off." Then there was, "Honk if you love peace and quiet." Another said, "If you love Jesus, push!" And another, "Answer my prayers, steal this car." The ultimate was, "If this car was a horse I'd have to shoot it."

II

Lots of bumper stickers are about work and people's professions. One read, "I owe, I owe, so off to work I go." I saw this one in Bloomington Indiana twenty-two years ago: "Nurses are rumperstickers!" Nurses might like this one better, "Nurses make us better people." Then there's "Fire fighters still make house calls!" and "Librarians are shelf employed," and "Brain surgeons prefer open-minded patients,"

III

Many bumper stickers deal with Life - with its joys and disappointments. You wonder about the people with these bumper stickers, "Better to have loved and lost, than to almost have moved to Des Moines with that fool!" One person complained about the aging process with "From wine, women and song, to beer, the old lady and TV." Another said, "How can I be over the hill when I haven't reached the top?" Another said, "You look like a million bucks - well spent."

Other people have different complaints: "I'm so far behind I thought I was first!" A similar one, "I'm always late, my ancestors came over on the Juneflower" or, "Someday my ship will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport!"

This bumper sticker reminds us, "Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else," and "There's one in every crowd, and they always find me!" I would say this guy was a pessimist, "We are born naked, wet and hungry, then things get worse." A confession, "I only open my mouth to exchange feet," and this uplifting bumper sticker, "Enjoy life, this isn't a rehearsal."

Lots of bumper stickers talk about Marriage, "My wife said if I didn't give up fishing she was going to leave me, I sure am going to miss her." The same guy might have had this bumper sticker later, "Wanted: woman who can cook, clean fish, owns boat and motor, and enjoys outdoors. Send picture - of boat."

Then there was this guy, "I got a gun for my wife - good trade!" or, "I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving." All these guys are in danger of this bumper sticker, "Love is grand, divorce is thirty grand." There was the guy who had this bumper sticker, "Drunk chicks dig me." Wouldn't that make a mother proud?

Battle of the sexes continues on the back bumper, "A husband is living proof that a woman can take a joke," "You're a great cure for happiness." I loved this one, "Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let him sleep." Or, "so many men, so few who can afford me." Or, "If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen." "All work and no pay make - a housewife"

I laughed when I saw this one, "When I married Mr. Right, I didn't realize his first name was Always!" This bumper stickers reminds us that, "Well behaved women rarely make history." Speaking of marriage, I saw this bumper sticker in the parking lot when K-Mart was still in West Oaks mall. I read it and it took a couple of seconds to figure it out. See how you do. It said, "Sex cures headaches!"

Lots of bumper stickers have to do with parenting, like, "I was the perfect parent - and then we had a child!" "Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children." "Hire teenagers while they still know everything."

IV

Some of my favorite bumper stickers are the ones that don't make sense, or you wonder why anyone would put it on their car. Like, "Repeal bananas," or, "There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't," or, "Give me ambiguity, or give me something else." "I took an IQ test, the results were negative."

I saw this one at Wal-Mart in Sandusky, Ohio, "I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on," "Eat more lamb, 50,000 coyotes can't be wrong." How about, "I've been dieting for a month, all I lost was 31 days," or "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart," Here's some good advice, "Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back." "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese," "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried," and the variation on that, "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you."

I saw this bumper sticker years ago on an old Pontiac in the parking lot of the Farmington Theater. I looked at it, read it, and then had to go back and look at it again; now tell me if these aren't words to live by, "Eagles soar, but a weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine!"

Here's a string of odd bumper stickers, "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!" "I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met." "Old age came at a bad time."

"First things first, but not necessarily in that order," "Will Rogers never met a lawyer,"

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes - that way if he gets angry he'll be a mile away and barefoot,"

"I started out with nothing - I still have most of it left." "Life doesn't begin at forty, it just begins to show." "Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up." Some great advice: "Never test the depth of the water with both feet." "The best way to save face is to keep the bottom part of it shut."

"The person who rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it." "Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge!" Now that's terrible advice. Try this instead, "To have the last word, try an apology."

There have been an enormous number of political bumper stickers. I've spared you all of them but a couple: "Democrats think the glass is half full, Republicans think the glass is theirs." And, "In America anyone can be president, it's just one of the risks you take when you live here."

Conclusion

Now for the good stuff - for the most part not funny, but good. Fortunately a lot of bumper stickers carry helpful reminders and important words. Let's start with this one: "Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong." But then remember this bumper sticker: "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven," which is because, "You are loved (John 3:16)." Then there was the bumper sticker with, "God loves you - and I'm trying to." I liked this bumper sticker: "God loves you whether you like it or not." God doesn't need our approval to love us!

Here are a couple of interesting bumper stickers: "When there seems to be no way out, let God in" (actually, it would be good to let God in long before you get in that kind of situation). The other bumper sticker said, "Don't be caught dead without Jesus" (don't be caught alive without him either; the longer you wait, the more you miss).

It was during the "ET era" that I saw this bumper sticker, "You are a child of God - call home." We've all seen the bumper sticker that says, "God is my co-pilot." One great response to it was this bumper sticker, "If God is your co-pilot, switch seats!" I am especially fond of the bumper stickers that says, "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called."

For those who have perhaps gotten too comfortable in their faith, there is this bumper sticker, "God calls us not to grow in a garden, but to work in a vineyard." This was a funny one from the back bumper, "Do you follow Jesus this closely?"

Here are two that the stewardship committee could hand out in the fall, "Give God what's right, not what's left," and "tithe if you love Jesus, any darn fool can honk." One of my favorites is, "trust God anyway." We don't always understand the ways of God and sometimes we're even angry with God, but trust God through all those times. Two bumper stickers that speak in support of that one are, "The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us," and "Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

Some ethical bumper stickers make a point: "Live simply, so that others may simply live," and "Love your enemy, it will drive him crazy." At a more serious level, "If you want peace, work for justice." So much warring takes place because of injustice and cruelty. Also, this one, a quote from Albert Schweitzer, says "You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." I saw this one more recently, "We can bomb the world to pieces, but we can't bomb it into peace."

Here is one that makes you think, also a quote, this one from Andre Gide, "Believe those who seek the truth, doubt those who find it."

Finally, maybe this is the most interesting bumper sticker. Someone bought this bumper sticker and put it on the back of his car. It said, "No comment."

That's all until next year!

Amen

© Richard J. Henderson 2007