BUMPER STICKER XXI

Dr. Richard J. Henderson June 20, 2004

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I John 4: 7-12
Matthew 7: 1-12

I

As we participate in the twenty-first annual bumper sticker sermon, there are more bumper stickers this year than ever before. So let's get started right away.

A school district in Granite Bay, California, started an experimental program in which parents had their teens place "Is This Teen Driving Safely?" bumper-stickers on their cars, followed by a number to call if they weren't. This resulted in a number of people suggesting other bumper stick for teen's bumpers.

Some bumper stickers were from the kid's perspective and told of the kind of cars they had to drive: Could this car be any more embarrassing? My dad went to work for 30 years and all I got was this lousy Toyota! My parents' other car is just as lame.

Another bumper sticker bragged: the guy on my fake ID is an Honor roll student. I watch American Idol ... and I vote! How about, Honk if you're piercing infected your tattoo. Or, White suburban teen who thinks he's an inner-city rapper on board. I especially liked - How's my applying-eyeliner-while-balancing-the-wheel-with-my-elbows, talking-to-FelicityMcIntyrer-on-my-cell-about-whether-ohmigod!-Jimmy-Anderson-really likes me?

Some were a little more edgy: If my teen is driving unsafely, call my ex-wife's number below at any hour. Or, My other parents let me drive their Porsche. Proud child of brutally unyielding tyrants.

Then there's: Emotionally volatile, insecure-yet-arrogant narcissist on board. Which may not be too different from the car with this bumper sticker: Raging hormones on board. Or, This vehicle brakes for lip gloss. Another bumper sticker said: I'd rather be, like, y'know, whatever.

Parents must have put this bumper sticker on the car - If this car is parked within five hundred feet of a library, it's been stolen. And her daughter replies with the bumper sticker - Don't tell my mom, she thinks I'm upstairs studying.

II

Several bumper stickers this year related well to the vehicles where they were seen. For example, on a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed. Another plumber had: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber. A pizza delivery car - Buy our pizza. We knead the dough. On a tire company truck: Invite us to your next blowout. On a tow truck: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows. On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff. At a propane filling station: Tank heaven for little grills.

III

There are always bumper stickers that deal with life and death, because the things that are the most serious are the best sources of humor. For example the bumper stickers: There will always be death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.

After tax season is over some people feel like this bumper sticker: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. The real pessimist has this bumper sticker - We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

I liked this bumper sticker I saw in an office right here in Novi: Where are we going, and why am I in a hand basket? Then there's the realist's bumper sticker: Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

IV

Part of being alive is trying to hold on to your sanity. Some bumper stickers make you wonder how people are doing. For example: One by one the penguins steal my sanity. Or, I don't mind the voices in my head; it's the ones in yours that bug me. Someone could respond to those bumper stickers with - I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

Another reminds us that mental health is costly - Madness takes its toll - please have exact change ready. What brings about our madness? A bumper sticker says: Reality is the leading cause of stress. So is reality the cause of madness?

As I say that I can hear a bumper sticker responding, it says: Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. And there are those who adapt the well-known song for the bumper sticker, If you're happy and you know it - see a shrink.

V

In this political year, we saw surprisingly few political bumper stickers. One said, If your right hand doesn't know what your left hand is doing, you should consider a job in Washington, DC. When we were in California last February, we saw a number of bumper stickers that said, Regime change begins at home. One that took a second to register was, Re-elect Gore!

VI

There are always bumper stickers that have to do with religion and faith - because it's important. Well, this one isn't really religious: My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

A group of bumper stickers has to do with church, and people in church. For example - Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited; until you try to sit in their pews. Or, A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

Another one says, People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church. I especially liked this one: Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

Part of the service is the sermon. Believe it or not there are even bumper stickers about sermons. It's easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. That's a truth every preacher knows. Here's another - The phrase guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion..."

Some bumper stickers remind us of our similarities with the people of Old Testament times - The children of Israel wandered around the desert for forty years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. Some show us bumper stickers that biblical people might have had: Eve: At least he doesn't compare me to his mother. This one could be found in the wilderness: At the Sinai desert: Winding road next forty years.

VII

Some remind us of biblical themes: The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose - but mosquitoes come close. And Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Here's one for your good health: Exercise daily, walk with the Lord. I just loved this one: Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

Some bumper stickers are more helpful, and theological. This one reminds us that God is far greater than we can imagine: When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there. Other bumper stickers look at a person's character, like: You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. And, He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. Another bumper sticker related to character - Speak you mind even if your voice shakes.

Speaking of character, some bumper stickers remind us of Jesus' own words - one said, We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges, sounds a lot like "Judge not that you be not judged."

Surprisingly, many bumper stickers have to do with giving. One said, Give God what's right - not what's left. That's a stewardship sermon in itself. Another very true bumper sticker - Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

We've talked several times about the truth of Jesus' words that in giving we receive. A bumper sticker every Christian could have - You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. Again, it is a stewardship sermon all by itself. We can't love without giving because that is part of the definition of what it means to love.

When we speak of love it always brings us back to the greatest love - that of Jesus on the cross. This bumper sticker is a simple reminder of God's love: The best mathematical equation: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

And "in Conclusion," We can always remember the promise of God to be with us in every situation. This bumper sticker reminds us of God's power with us - The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

Until next year...

Amen.

©Richard J. Henderson 2004